Well Baby

At the Professional Businesswomen of California conference in Sacramento Tuesday, I spoke on a two-woman panel with Jacqueline Marcell, author of "Elder Rage." (She has great advice for those taking care of aging parents; her talk was fascinating.) During q&a, a woman in a business suit took the mike and asked me, "Since studies show that too much multi-tasking is not good for your brain, how are we supposed to juggle all that we have to do?"
She was right; there are studies to that effect, and of course there are more pressures on moms and others these days to multitask beyond our limits. While my book is primarily about how motherhood changes your brain, not the juggling issue per se, I tried to give some advice which I hope to state more succinctly here. This is all with the understanding that whatever we do individually, we have every right and reason to lobby for government support in terms of decent childcare and flexible jobs. That said:
Planning your family is first on the list -- making sure, before you have kids, that you're in a position where you have the support you need, chiefly including a helpful spouse. Then you use your negotiating skills, soon to be honed by dealing with toddlers, with that spouse to make sure you get enough sleep and no more than a fair share of domestic drudgery. Next you need to prioritize -- getting the kids through the day alive would be good for the number one spot, then keeping your job; after that it's mostly gravy. Which leads to the next point: letting go of absolutely all that can be let go. (As Barbara Ehrenreich sagely said, "Stop ironing the diapers!"
This is all no doubt stuff you've all heard, but it all bears repeating. As does the need to remember how fleeting it all is. I had my six-week post-op checkup today (the doc referred to it as the Well Baby appointment) and found out that the little sore-ish bump on my head is actually the top of a titanium screw. It makes me weirdly happy, because other than the fact that I can now truthfully say I've got a screw loose, it's a constant reminder of the finite-ness of life -- a walking reality check, much like my kids.