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Tuesday, July 05, 2005

dread, guilt and glee

In ten days I'm going to be leaving my kids for two weeks, longer than I've ever stayed away since they were born. I'm going to Mexico with my mom, as I've done every year for the past several years (giving a mommy-brain talk at a spa called Rancho la Puerta, and then spending a week in Caracas on a reporting assignment for Smithsonian Magazine.
My very responsible husband is staying home for the first week, and I've spent hours refining the camp/carpool/sitter logistics for the week after that. My kids are at an age where they can understand about trips with one's mother and reporting assignments; I'm pretty sure they won't be emotionally scarred. And yet thinking about leaving hits me with a wave of the startling anguish I felt the first time I handed Joey to a sitter, as if it would never really be right to leave him, ever. This is balanced, though not quite, with mounting joy as I envision two weeks pursuing a variety of goals without being constantly yanked off my path by the small emergencies of parenting young kids. I suspect that after writing and working in the midst of coping with poison oak, laundry, playdates, lunches, bee stings, and unrelenting conflict, reporting in Venezuela is going to be a cinch. But I'll let you know......

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